Rosie shared this story about her Dad who passed away when she was 10. "There’s a story my mom loves to tell about a Christmas morning when I was six. I’d woken up hours before anyone else and tried to assemble a toy Kitchen Set all by myself. When my parents came down a little later, they found me in tears, surrounded by screws and scattered parts, overwhelmed and exhausted and feeling very guilty about opening up my santa gifts before I was supposed to! My dad gave me a hug, set down his coffee, and quietly helped me put it together."

Rosie's memory has stuck with me—not just for the complexity & sweetness of the moment, but for the metaphor it often is, around the holidays, even for adults. So much effort, so much expectation, and sometimes, the creeping feeling that we're trying to put something together without real direction and too many missing pieces. And then there's the guilt...........

Maybe you’ve felt this way too. Perhaps this time of year leaves you feeling more frazzled than festive, pulled in a hundred directions by social obligations, family dynamics, and the drive to make everything perfect. Maybe this time of year just makes you unbelievably sad, and ridden with grief and longing. I know I struggle with feeling like I don't belong, fully and completely.

First, just know that you are not alone in this tumult of emotion, and know that it’s okay to let several parts/screws go missing. (Well I often feel like I have screws missing, the whole year long!!) What matters most, is acknowledging the emotion, experiencing it, letting it pass and finding and "allowing" small moments of joy when possible. That would be the first step to making space to care for yourself along the way.

Here are some thoughts and suggestions about self-care, especially during the holiday season.

Listen to Your Body: It Speaks Louder Than Words

Feeling tired? Run Down? Achy? Slow down enough to check in and really listen to what your body is saying.

• Move in ways that feel good: Dance to holiday playlists, sing while baking cookies even if you know the lyrics are all wrong. Stretch after a long day of errands or bundle up for a walk in the crisp winter air, even if it's just around the block. Whatever it is, let movement energize you instead of feeling like another “should.”
• Rest before you collapse: Yeah, that thing we don't know how to do because it doesn't feel productive. Sit yo self down and do nothing...set your timer for 10 minutes if you must.
• Breathe, Breathe, Breathe: Take long slow calming breaths every hour. Make your out breath 3 times as long as your inhale. The long, slow, controlled exhale triggers the relaxation response in your body, so do it as often as you want, just remember, it's the long slow exhale that is important and not the inhale.

Boundaries Are a Gift You Give Yourself

Choose to leave the conflict ridden conversations aside this holiday season. Find another way/time to discuss them. Remember, it takes two to tango and you are in control of your responses and whether or not you choose to engage...or take the bait. I'm a big advocate of heading to the loo as a way to get some space! Yes, the loo. Adults are unlikely to follow you there!

• Protect your peace: It’s okay to say no—to a party, a conversation, or an obligation that drains you. People-pleasing isn’t the same as caring for people; sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to say No and take care of yourself first.

Find Joy in the Small Things

The holidays can feel like a race to the next big event, but it’s the quiet moments of connection that often have the deepest impact. Make space for them with conscious intention.

• Light a candle and savor the stillness.
• Pause to appreciate the smell of fresh-baked cookies, sourdough bread or the sound of kids giggling and being silly.
• Allow yourself to cry and be sad 
• Also give yourself permission to laugh—really laugh, and be silly
• Have some fun and switch up from tradition and obligation

Drop Expectations & Let Imperfection Be Part of the Story

Imperfections are what make us human—and beautiful. So, if the turkey’s dry or the tree tips over, let it become part of the memory, not the reason for stress. Allow for spontaneity and let everyone be themselves, yourself included.

Create Your Own Traditions

So many of us feel alone and grief stricken during the holidays. It can be a struggle to find the expected good cheer. It may feel strange to celebrate without your loved one. Find ways to honor and remember them in meaningful ways. Could be as simple as baking Dad's favorite Chocolate Cherry Sourdough bread.  That small act can became a new tradition of rememberance.

And if what you used to do feels difficult or doesn’t align with who you are anymore, give yourself permission to do something different and create new ways of being and doing around the holidays. Volunteer at a shelter, host a potluck with friends, or spend the day in your pajamas watching movies. Just remember, there simply isn't a “right” way to celebrate—only the way that feels meaningful to you.

Turn Your Social Media OFF!

Spend time doing all things that make you happy instead of worrying about what your relatives and neighbors are doing. FOMO is debilitating so why do it to yourself during the festive season. Stop scrolling and just turn it off.

I really hope you’ll give yourself the gift of slowing down, savoring the small joys, and letting go of the need to do it all this holiday season (and maybe throughout the year, but let's just start here.) Enjoy what you can, go to the loo often if that's the only way to get some space and set boundaries, and drop all your expectations for the season!!!

Light the candle, sip some cocoa, use some Mood Indigo essential oils, breathe a lot, cry if you need to, laugh if you want to, and let this be the year you put yourself on your own holiday list. You deserve it.

You know I love hearing from you so please feel free to reach out.